turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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