Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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