i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
