Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
