I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
