i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
