have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
