Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
