Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
