and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
