um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
