You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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