I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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