I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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