Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
