Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As shirtless as possible
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
