where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
