Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
