I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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