Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
