alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
