The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm both gender and math confused
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
