And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
