I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
