he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
