I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
