Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
