i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
