dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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