I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
