I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
