you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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