i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
