We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
