the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
