The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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