Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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