well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
