I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
