So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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