don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
