She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
