I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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