You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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