shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
