If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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