who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
