Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
