Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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