my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
