It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
